Just 100 days since leaving prison after 25 years and 6 months, and I was going back Inside. Working for Freedom Reads means going back to prison. Freedom Reads went to Missouri to open 35 Freedom Libraries in two facilities and they would be the first two in the state to have the beautifully handcrafted wooden libraries. Women’s Eastern Reception, Diagnostic and Correctional Center (WERDCC) received 15 cherry wood libraries built in the New Orleans office; 20 libraries built in the home office in Connecticut went to FRDC (Fulton Reception and Diagnostic Center). It was my first trip to open Freedom Libraries with the team and it was intense.
The intensity derived from the fact that we were installing 35 libraries in two days. It also stemmed from the fact that it would be the first time that I would return to a prison after getting out of prison. I had some anxiousness about returning inside so soon after leaving behind the barbed wire and cells that had haunted my existence for the over 25 years that I was incarcerated. And less than 100 days later, there I was, set to walk back into a prison.
And walk in, I did. I walked in with a team with varied experience, some were veterans of hundreds of library openings and some had been to dozens. One other team member was attending for the first time along with me. Each of us brought in our particular concerns. My concerns were about my own history and what it meant to my future. Working at Freedom Reads means that my past will always contribute to my future. Each time we open a Freedom Library means entering spaces of confinement which triggers memories of being confined. And my memories are of recent yesterdays.
Some of our concerns were assuaged as the women incarcerated at WERDCC greeted us with enthusiasm. Some of the women had volunteered to help us load the library cases onto carts, navigate the facility, and get them to each of the 15 units. Throughout the day I had conversations with the women. Many were about plans they had for themselves and the families that were depending on them at home, mainly children.
The conversations moved as we went from unit to unit. We talked about doing time and what it means to do time with books readily available. We talked about the hope and positivity that Freedom Reads had brought to the facility and how to keep the energy alive. Dwayne read some of his poems from Doggerel and the energy reached its zenith for the day. Over a hundred women came together to experience the power of poetry that spoke to questions that they may have been asking themselves during time spent in the cell. I left WRDC knowing exactly why freedom begins with a book.
The next day came with a different energy as I knew that I would be confronting a closer reflection of my time inside. I walked through the doors of FRDC with the experience of the previous day to lean on when anxiety threatened to overwhelm me. At FRDC the Freedom Reads team was met with a slightly different vibe than the one we received at WERDCC. The men at FRDC had less movement than the women and it showed in their body language and facial expressions as we entered each cellblock. They were clearly unhappy at having their day disrupted by our visit. The energy changed the moment they learned why we were there. Books always seem to have a beautiful effect like that. When we gave the unit talk explaining what Freedom Reads does and how we came to be there, the appreciation and gratitude the men expressed was an incredible gift they gave me without knowing it. It was so genuine it lifted me.
In every unit where we open a Freedom Library, a member of the team gives a unit talk. The unit talk begins with Dwayne’s life altering moment with a book and then explains who Freedom Reads is, how we came to be, and why we do what we do. Then we talk about the libraries and how important it is for them to take responsibility for the books and become stewards to ensure that the books survive so others will have the opportunity to read them. I had watched the unit talks at WERDCC knowing that I would give my first unit talk at FRDC.
I watched exactly one unit talk at FRDC before I was thrust into the moment when I represented Freedom Reads to the men. And I wasn’t nervous. I had been behind the wall talking to brothers for years. I have now moved beyond the wall and, still, the wall did not separate me from people living within cellblocks. That is not to say that the unit talks did not have tense moments. Each one began with the moment when those doors popped. The men had been locked in all day and some did not know why they were being popped all of a sudden and directed to come down to the dayroom. I saw lots of curious faces and some excited faces each time the men were called to hear us speak. There were also some skeptical faces, and maybe a few angry ones.
And then I began speaking and I would look directly into men’s eyes as I spoke about the young Dwayne locked in seg* and calling for the book that would transform his life. That is also the book that transformed my life. I watched faces absorb the knowledge that I had served 25 years and had just gotten out. I saw body language shift as I related my experience in 2022 when the Freedom Reads team came to my cellblock to talk about the library that they would leave in my care. I told them that they too should treat the library as their own. You may not take care of something as well if you don’t take ownership of it. By the time I finished my unit talk every face held a smile. Everybody was speaking the language of hope and gratitude as we walked out. I gave many unit talks that day feeling deep joy after each one.
Just 100 days after leaving prison and here I was, leaving once again. This time I was leaving with completely different thoughts and feelings. My life had taken a course that I could only dream of, and in fact I had. Many prisoners dream of working for Freedom Reads after experiencing a library opening and seeing the beautiful libraries and amazing books. I was one of those that dreamt of doing meaningful work that involved helping other prisoners. Working for Freedom Reads has been exactly what I dreamt it would be. The challenges are balanced by the rewards that come in the form of hope-filled smiles and determined looks on the faces of people inspired by what we do. The feeling the work gives me is exactly what fuels me to want to go into more prisons and open up more Freedom Libraries. And that is exactly what Freedom Reads shall do.
*segregation
Read the press release here.